Coming to Terms
by Shadowwriter1636
Summary: "I just keep thinking about all the things I missed out on, all the things I didn't get to experience." This is a One Shot...for now.


Coming to Terms

**Disclaimer: This is a Rossi/Strauss story, I love Rossi, I love Strauss and therefore I love Rossi and Strauss. I don't own the characters or anything dealing with Criminal Minds, except this story. I don't like the way they killed off Erin, so I change it to suit my own twisted mind**. **I like writing Erin's kids into my stories, so they will be in a lot of them. I also think I am going to like writing Joy, her husband and Kai into my stories. **

**Reviews are appreciated**

"Do you want to talk about it?" She asked standing in the door of his den.

"Talk about what?" David Rossi asked looking up for an instant.

"Whatever it is that's bothering you. You've been very quiet and withdrawn since I picked you up. Did things not go as you hoped with Joy? Everything seemed fine the times we spoke."

"It's not that. The weekend was wonderful. I was able to spend time with Joy, getting to know the daughter I never knew I had. Tony is a great guy; he loves her and treats her like a queen. He's an amazing father. He and I hit it off well. Then there's Kai, he's beautiful." He told her never looking up from the photo of the two year old he held in his hand. "He has his mother's eyes but the Italian coloring of his father."

"And his Grandfather." She smiled placing the cup of coffee she'd brought him on the desk next to his computer mouse.

"Maybe."

"Okay, David, you had a good time, was able to bond with your daughter and grandson, so what's eating you and don't tell me nothing." She said as she slid up on the corner of the desk, taking the photo of the toddler, smiling at the big brown eyes that looked back at her.

"I'm trying to wrap my brain around why Hayden didn't tell me. I know we went our separate ways, because I wasn't ready to be married, I wanted my career more than I wanted a wife. I take responsibility for that. For leaving her and coming back to the states, for wanting to catch up as I told Joy, but how could she not tell me she was pregnant?" Dave asked, looking at his wife. "How could she not let me know I was going to be a father, that I had a daughter?"

"David, you said she knew you weren't ready for a family." Erin told him.

"Ready or not, it should have been my decision to make. I should've been given the chance to decide for myself if I was going to man up and stay or walk away. She took that option away from me. She decided for me. So with her doing that, my child was raised by another man, who for 29 years she thought was her father."

Slipping off the desk, turning his chair to face her, Erin squatted until she was eye level with him. "I am not taking her side, David, but I knew you back then and I can't say if it had been me I would have told you, especially if I knew how you felt about your job, marriage and family. Remember Amante, you are the one who didn't want to be married."

"Erin, it's not that I didn't want to be married. I didn't want to stay in France. I was selfish okay, I was on my way up in the FBI, she was already important. I wanted…needed to catch up. That's still not a reason to not tell me I had a child. She knew how much losing James affected me."

"I get it, but there isn't anything you can do now." She watched as his face dropped. "What can I do to help you, David?"

Standing, walking around her, he paced. "I know I can't go back and change things, but I need to vent, to get this off my chest or it's going to eat me up, Erin. I have to come to terms with Hayden's decision."

"Then start venting." She told him sitting in his chair.

"I just keep thinking about all the things I missed out on, all the things I didn't get to experience."

"Such as?"

"I didn't get to be there when Joy was born; I had no input on her name. She took her first step without me, her first word was Dada and she was calling another man that. I wasn't there when she fell and got hurt, when she started school, to help her with homework, or to pick a college. I didn't get to teach her to drive or ride a bike. I didn't get the father daughter dances at school, drilling the boyfriends. Some other man walked my daughter down the aisle, gave her away, and got the father daughter dance at her wedding. Someone else was at the hospital when my grandson was born, was the first to hold him, was there when he started to walk and talk. I missed all of this Erin, because Hayden took it upon herself to keep Joy from me. If it hadn't been for her stepfather she still wouldn't know about me and I wouldn't know about her."

"But David, you do know and she knows. From what you've told me and the one conversation I had with her, she wants _**you**_ David, to be her dad, and Kai's grandfather. She wants you in her life, she wants to get to know you and I know you want to know her."

"More than anything, it's just hard with her on the west coast." Rossi said sitting on the couch emotionally exhausted.

Erin moved to sit beside him, taking his hands in hers, "David, she's your daughter, the two of you will find a way to be together whenever you can. Did you two talk about spending Christmas together or will they be spending it with Hayden or his parents?"

"His parents are both deceased and Hayden's still in Paris. Joy told me she wanted them to come to France for the holidays, but the kid said she needs some time away from her mother. I asked them to come to Virginia, if it's okay with you and the kids. I want her to meet and get to know you, the children and the team. She's my family, Erin and she needs to know the rest of my family and they need to know her." He told her. "Both she and Tony both said they would like to come here. Also I'm paying for their flights and I want to make sure they have rooms here that they can make theirs, like we did for Jess, Kate and Dan."

She could see the hesitation in his dark eyes. "Of course its okay with me, I can't wait to meet and get to know her and Tony. I'm also excited about getting my hands on Kai and spoiling him. Isn't that what grandmothers do? We have plenty of room, why don't we put them in the big guest room, and Kai can have the room between ours and theirs. Dan has moved to the bedroom in the basement so we can move the guest room to his old room."

Dave smiled for the first smile in hours. "I'd like that Erin." He gave her a quick kiss, "I didn't tell you, but Joy wants to teach Kai to call you Nana if it's all right, but you can't tell her I told you, she wants to ask you when she meets you."

"How much did you tell her about me, the kids, and us?"

"I told her everything, you're my wife and I love you madly. That you have three amazing kids and she is excited about meeting them. "He saw her nod, "I'll call her tomorrow, make arrangements for them to come for Christmas and stay until after the New Year if they can."

"Sounds like a plan grandpa." Erin chuckled as she stood, "It's late, Amante and I'm tired, let's go to bed."

Standing he wrapped his arm around her, kissing the side of her head. "Thank you for listening to me, letting me vent and for keeping an open mind about Joy."

Stopping half way up the stairs she looked at him, "David you accepted my three monsters when we started dating, why would I not accept your child, we're a blended family. I love you and I know I'll love Joy."

"I hope so." Dave said turning her around and pushing her lightly up the stairs. "I remember someone saying they were tired, so let's get you to bed."

Stopping again just outside their door, Erin smiled. "Sounds good to me, I've never slept with a grampa before."


End file.
